As 2012 comes to a close, the legs of this year’s most impressive women remain anything but. It doesn’t matter what you call it - vagina, twat, cooter, a slice of life. We love it all the same. Whether these vaginas were publicly exposed or just attached to an icon and dragged through an awesome year, we applaud these parts for permeating throughout our culture. It’s clear, the vagina was the breakout star of 2012. Viva la vaginas!
10. Kate Middelton: Like it or not, a human is about to come out of this vagina that’s already more successful than all of us. Poised and concealed in the classiest clothes, this peach is often mistaken for Jackie Onassis. While it will always remain elusive and out of the public eye, we are grateful for this brit’s front bum.
9. Lindsay Lohan: We have to congratulate her vagina on the most public appearances on this list. Seemingly crazy, we feel like this fire-crotch may burn our houses down. But really, she has been but through the wringer the past few years and is still sort of standing. We’ve gotta give her resilient vagina credit for powering through and becoming friends with Charlie Sheen
. That dude KNOWS vaginas.
8. Katy Perry: Our favorite little firework to hit the list, Katy Perry made a big vagina upgrade this year. Graduating from pig, Russel Brand, to better looking pig, John Mayer, this cupcake seems happy to find an artistically appropriate match. We’re gonna get so many great songs from the break up! And we will stand by our poppy vag through it all.
7. Lady Gaga: Coming in at number three on the Forbes list of 10 Most Talked About Women,
this vagina was featured in 22,058 headlines this year. The only fish taco to also be described as an encased meat, the world loves this cultural icon and weirdo. Not only does she remind our own beavers that we were simply “born this way,” she also contributes to countless philanthropic causes. Surely, the world is a better place because of this vagina.
6. Tina Fey: This year her alter ego, Liz Lemon, took a big step for her vagina and got married in the dorkiest ceremony ever
. Now when annoying single girls say “I’m the real life Liz Lemon,” we can fire back with “but you’re still alone.” In reality, this is by far the funniest vagina on the list and that has nothing to do with public appearances. As a wife, a mother, all around professional cool chick, this is a lady-part we’d happily share a ham with.
5. Taylor Swift: Despite our love, there’s something about this vagina that makes us want to break up with it over and over again. Whether it’s for the music or the satisfaction of knowing that beautiful people are alone too, America’ loves this vagina and its search for belonging. And we are never ever ever ever, losing hope of seeing it on camera (likely getting out of a car).
4. Mila Kunis: It would be inappropriate to not include the vagina attached to the Sexiest Woman Alive. Of course, it is also attached to Ashton Kutcher, which had to kick her down a few pegs. Could you imagine being the WORST part of Two and a Half Men
? It takes an understanding vagina to stand by that. We applaud this beav for making That 70’s Show so much more real for all of us.
3. Hillary Clinton: Okay, you’re thinking “what vagina?” As the Forbes’ 16th Most Powerful Person
in 2011, her presence often transcends gender. She may even be the first vagina to run this country, which we realize welcomes the use of puns and the c-word, but you’re better than that. Locking down the most charming philanderer, this vagina may have powers we don’t even know about and should be too scared to ask.
2. Lena Dunham: With her series nominated for 4 Emmy Awards at age 26, this young vagina has had an epic year. She’s done a great job of showing off her tiny furniture (breasts) but we know the real genius is below the skirt, reserved for creeps like that Adam character and Barack Obama.
Seriously, we’re excited about this vagina’s work and can’t wait for more its humor and honesty.
1. Anne Hathaway: With a public wardrobe malfunction
(or crotch shot) earlier this month, this Les Mis star should be anything but miserable about having the best vagina of 2012. Not only has her vagina dated a felon, met the pope
, and killed Bane, but it may even win an Oscar for it’s latest role. In other words, her vagina can do whatever it wants. Haters don’t get pussy.